We stormed into and out of Lancaster, Pennsylvania so fast, that the trip to pick up my leftovers at THE BIG NEEDLE is a blur. I didn’t even talk to Ruth, for which I’m sure I shall be in big trouble. I’ll call her this evening, and try to make peace.

The boys and I got back to South Florida Sunday evening. Adam and his friend, Stephen unloaded the truck yesterday and carried all my stuff up to the second floor and into the condominium. We had sorted through my old letters, other papers and detritus of daily living, as well as early (immature) art work and trashed most of it in Lancaster, so there wasn't a lot to store in closets. I had a double bed for the spare bedroom, two chest of drawers, a high boy, several occasional tables, 3 oriental carpets, my old easy chair, 2 lamps, and many boxes of books, some bookshelves, kitchen utensils and dishes. We put the easy chair in my bedroom along with one of the lamps. One oriental went in the living room, one in the dining area, and one in my bedroom. The chests of drawers went each in one bedroom, and the bookshelves in my bedroom so that it doubles as a library. The boys returned the rental truck to the Penske lot, a field up in Jupiter during a “frog strangler” thunderstorm.

I have more books than shelves so the boys have helped me to install some freestanding shelves in the livingroom. We staggered them, zig-zagging across one wall, so they add contemporary but cozy flare to the room. My handsome young neighbor helped us build the shelves, and when Adam and Stephen introduced themselves, he said - “Hi, I’m Pete." Stephen swears that his “gaydar” went off, so Adam jokes with him about having become enamored with my hunky neighbor. "Don't you dare invade that closet," he says.

I’ve taken the boys out to dinner two times as reward for their help, and I've discovered that they both drink more than I think is healthy, though I try to hold my tongue. Adam assures me that they drink far less than most of their friends. Tonight we’re eating in. I’m making my famous “fried fish in Muddy Water Sauce.”

Tomorrow the boys plan on going to the beach. I’ll drive them over, stay under the umbrella for a time and read my book, take a few photographs, then walk back to the condo for exercise. Adam says they want to take me out clubbing in West Palm Beach Friday evening, and I’m saying, “NO!” But, I might be persuaded, though it will be frustrating to stand there and watch everyone dance. If I were just twenty years younger!

I’m going to miss the boys terribly when they leave! I hope they have such a wonderful time during the next two weeks that they will want to return as often as possible.


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Tomorrow I Fly to BWI.

As I had mentioned back in April, Adam, my grandson and a friend will pick me up at the airport and drive me back to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. There, we will rent a truck, load it up with my furniture from THE BIG NEEDLE, and carry it back to South Florida. Of course, I have piles of the accumulated detritus of daily living in closets and storage space to trash. I have dishes, books, knick-knacks to pack, and a few things to pick up out at Orchard Hill. Of course, I’m not looking forward to an encounter with Ruth there. However, I want the few things left in my studio after she and The Professor raided and emptied it (Refer to entries of 2003 for that story.).


…accumulated detritus of daily living in closets and storage space…

Adam and his friend, I think his name is Stephen (I hope they are more than friends.), will carry me and my ancillary baggage bake to Florida sometime early next week, depending on the time it takes to get the packing done.

I am looking forward to finally finishing this move!

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I’ve ordered 2 Petit Comfort chairs for the living room of my condominium from Classics Domain, a manufacturer of modern classic furniture on the World Wide Web. The chairs were expensive, and I have reservations about ordering things on line. Still, I couldn’t find the chairs locally as most of the stores in the area seem to be into very large and heavy looking traditional pieces. I’ve also purchased a couch, 9 by 12 foot oriental carpet, two side tables, a reading lamp, media center, high resolution TV, stereo speakers, DVD/CD player, and stereo receiver for my living room. It’s looking fairly well furnished, except for the large hole along the wall where my chairs will go. The chairs have to be manufactured over seas and shipped, but Classics Domain has promised delivery in 90 days. I can’t wait, but I must.

I’ve also bought a dining room table and 6 chairs from one of the many local consignment shops. These are quite elegant. The tabletop is 1/2 inch thick beveled glass and is supported by two large baroque looking concrete forms. The chairs are of dark wood with curled arms, seats and backs covered in a heavy gold damask fabric. I’ve also purchased 5 large mirrors of various shapes and sizes from another consignment shop and I’ve hung them on one wall of the dining room. The most elegant mirror has an elaborate gold leaf frame about 6 inches thick and is 48 inches wide by 54 inches high. Another has a very plain, black wood frame and is 24 inches by 32 inches. There is a small oval mirror with a narrow gold frame, ornate silver framed rectangular mirror, and a smaller gold framed mirror. The wall looks spectacular and reflects the entire dining room as well as the living room and porch beyond. I had some help hanging the mirrors from one of my neighbors, a handsome young man in his twenties. He’s working on his Master’s Degree in the humanities and lives with his mother and father just down the open-air walkway of my building. I’d be lying if I said that I’m not totally enamored of this young fellow. He is absolutely charming. Of course, I’m being a dirty old man, and I’m not reading the young man as gay, so I must keep my desires firmly in check.

"And, why wouldn't you anyway, Isaac. You're 86, he's in his 20's."

There I go talking to myself again!

As to completing the furnishing of my condo, I will bring several framed paintings and drawings, 2 oriental carpets, 3 side tables, 1 bedroom chair, two chests of drawers and my easy chair from THE BIG NEEDLE in Lancaster when Adam (my grandson) helps me move out next week. I will also need to buy some porch furniture and I’ll be done.

I can’t believe I’m actually doing this move to Florida! Some evenings I walk around the place in wonderment, look out the windows at the palm trees and live oaks silhouetted against the mauve, gold, and pink of the sunset. I turn around and see my almost completely furnished apartment, and I know I’ve made all the right decisions, finally.

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Moving right along, we return to the mundane daily proceedings of my life.

Recently, I’ve been going to events sponsored by Venture Out, a LGBT group here in South Florida that meets for various social events, dinner, art shows, concerts, sporting events, and more. A few weeks back they went to the Sun Fest in West Palm Beach. Two weeks ago they went to the sidewalk art show in Hollywood, Florida. Most of the people in the group are much younger than I am; thirties and forties dominate with some “twenty and fifty somethings” thrown in. There are many couples, some who have been together ten years or more. I have some trouble keeping up with them, especially if the event involves a tremendous amount of walking in crowded environments, but I manage with a bit of help occasionally. I think I’m viewed as something of an octogenarian wonder by many of the repeat members who seem to enjoy talking with me. I’ve exchanged address and telephone numbers with some, and plan to act on these socially. I think cocktail, wine and cheese tasting parties as opposed to dinners will be easiest for me to handle. I’m hoping to find some temp. Service that will supply a maid or server type person to help with the preparation, serving, and clean up, though I worry about the cost of such a thing. We’ll see. I’ll let you know how this endeavor progresses, dear journal.

Another Photograph from the camera happy gay old fart.

The weather here has finally been cloudy and wet (Hurray!) because of Alberto, but last week I was on the beach taking photographs as usual. I have thousands in my computer now. I especially liked this one because the dad and son seem to be looking at something they’ve picked up at water’s edge. I’m glad I was able to be a father. So many gay men never have the chance because our culture convinces them they can’t have a long term loving relationship with another man, and also makes marriage and family illegal for them in many states.



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Or, how I’m dealing with the emotional turmoil provoked by the amendment and its proponents.

I’ve been “stone throwing” angry about this situation as previous entries have demonstrated. So, last night I prayed for help to deal with my feelings, and I think my plea was received, though I’m not one of those to whom God speaks personally. Be that as it may, I now know that Jesus Christ would be the first to walk into the precincts of The Temple and chastise the evangelical church leaders, the President, the Republican dominated Senate, and soon to come, the Republican dominated Senate of the United States of America for playing politics with the lives of many millions of LGBT citizens in order to achieve their worldly political goals.

How do I know this? Because I discovered the following two mental images and much more last night while I prayed. First, I visualized the individual citizens of our country each with his or her personality, character, conscious and sub-conscious mind, sexuality, political – social - religious beliefs, self-concept, and history as a system of concentric circles (Yes, like a Mandala*). Second, I pictured the conscious self, peering inward from various points located on the outer circumference down through the various layered circles to the center point, piercing it, radiating out again through those points on the outer circumference and beyond, a star burst of concentrated effort, a super nova of infinite expansion into the universe.

It seemed to me that these two images demonstrated however inadequately our relationship with God. Simply put, God is inside each of us, and God is outside each of us. At the same time, it is not so simple because we cannot find God in the universe unless we discover her/him/it within ourselves. Conversely, we cannot find God inside ourselves unless we also discover her/him/it outside in the universe. Having said that, I believe it is possible for each of us to experience something of God, though our knowledge based on that experience must be limited by all those variables listed in the second sentence in the paragraph above.

Upon finishing my prayer/ meditation, I felt as though I had a better understanding of this current political situation through my personal experience of God. That experience tells me that God is good. I also know that God made me the way I am because God is good. I’m still angry, and I must continue to pray for help with that anger. Never the less, I must also work to forgive the evangelical Christians for their prejudice concerning my sexuality because it is possible for a cultural institution, like the church to interrupt or limit personal knowledge of God because of dogmatic practices within that institution. Thus it is the church, and not individual experience of God that has prevented evangelicals from knowing that God made the various human sexualities because God is good.

*For more information about the mandalas visit Exploring the Mandala.


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Once again, I find it necessary to interrupt reporting the daily events of my life with the limited personal effort I am able to exert to demonstrate how this president and the Republican Party are cynically manipulating the people of our country.

The evangelical Christian estimate for the number of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered citizens in the United States is a conservative 6 to 7 million people. Alfred C. Kinsey made a much higher estimate for homosexual men alone as a group in his study of human sexuality (1947-48). * He demonstrated through extensive research that as much as 10% of the male population in the United States was gay, and / or had gay tendencies. That percentage if extended to the current population of the United States translates to as many as 16 million adult homosexual American males. That estimate does not take into consideration lesbians, bisexual and trangendered persons. Suffice it to say that there are somewhere between 7 and 25 million lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered Americans today. And, if truth were told instead of evangelical Christian “truthiness,” the actual number of LGBT people is closer to the 25 million estimate. The proposed amendment to limit marriage to a man and a woman is specifically designed to consign those millions of people to second-class citizenship. The new regulated class system would prescribe by law the rights and privileges of LGBT people as opposed to all other Americans because it would preserve the inequities that currently exist as a future and permanent part of the Constitution of the United States.

What are those inequities: 1) only married partners, or immediate family members may be present at a sick family member’s bedside in hospital if that person is unable to say otherwise, 2) only married partners may pass on their estate to one another without any Federal tax up to the Federal limit, 3) only married partners may pass their estate on to biological or adopted children without a 50% to 100% Federal tax penalty being levied against the children depending on which one of the child’s parents has died, 4) Only married partners may make legal and/or medical arrangements for an incapacitated partner without having made elaborate legal provision in advance, 5) many states have laws that already prevent LGBT people from adopting one another’s biological offspring - the amendment to the United States constitution would make it impossible for those draconian prejudicial laws to be changed, and 5) In states where it is illegal for LGBT people to adopt children, partners will not be able to adopt one another’s biological children in order to protect them from the death of a parent. In short, LGBT families will have none of the rights and protections that heterosexual families take for granted.

The constitution is the miraculous instrument the forefathers created to protect us from individuals or groups of people with a false brand of truth, be it political, social, or religious that will limit the freedoms enjoyed by the citizens of the United States of America. The constitution is simply the guarantor of every citizen's “happiness.” Instead, this constitutional amendment is designed to limit the “happiness” of one group of people in order to satisfy the religious “truthiness” of an evangelical Christian minority. And yet, most amazingly George W. "Bush's brain," Carl Rove, and the Republican Party are using the "marriage amendment" and our constitution in an attempt to distract the attention of the American people from the real problems at hand: 1) the Iraq war (the wrong war against terrorism), 2) the failure of the Federal Government to help the people of New Orleans during and after Katrina, 3) our failing health care system, 4) the depletion of social security funds, 5) The soaring national debt, 6) illegal immigration 7) our dependence on foreign oil, and 8) our failing inner city educational system.. *2

Write to your senator to state your opposition to the AMENDMENT to limit the freedom of an entire class of people. Go to Free Speech Coalition Inc. to find out how.


*Kinsey, A. C.;Pomeroy, W. B.; & Martin, C. E.. Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders, 1948.

*2Moore, J., & Slater, W.. Bush’s Brain: How Carl Rove Made George W. Bush President. Hoboken: John Wiley and Sons, 2003.


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I have written mine. In fact, I’ve written a letter every day this week. Have you? The Senate could vote on the proposed amendment to limit marriage to a man and a woman as early as June 5, 2006.

Why should I Write my Senator, Isaac?

Because the proposed amendment to the constitution does nothing more than legalize discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people.

Why do you have to have marriage between people of the same sex anyway? What is wrong with a civil union?

A civil union isn’t the whole ball of wax. For instance, only a husband and wife, or their children can inherit in the case of death without being taxed on the estate by the Federal government. If a gay or lesbian couple with children is not allowed to marry, then neither the partners nor the children are protected from being taxed on fifty percent or 100 percent of the estate upon the death of one partner or both. A same sex partner may not visit his/her dieing life companion in the hospital, nor make the necessary financial and medical decisions. Children may be taken from the surviving partner by the state where they are the birth children of the deceased partner. In short, an amendment that defines marriage as between a man and a woman will permanently make the families of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people second class families without any of the legal protections that heterosexual families (no matter how often parents divorce) are entitled to.

Write to your senator to state your opposition to the AMENDMENT to limit the freedom of an entire class of people. Go to Free Speech Coalition Inc. to find out how.

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