November 22, 2003

What to say about Michael?

Isn’t it ashame how important people’s bad sh(bleep) seems to totally overide anything else that is happening at the same time - like the Massachusetts Court’s decision to end the ban on gay marriage in that state. I don’t know if Michael is guilty or not, though most of the other senior citizens (I hate that term!) here at “Prickly Needle Manor” think he’s been molesting every little tyke he could get his hands on for years. At the same time, most of the people here at “The Manor” think Michael dyed himself white, and that he dislikes being black just as much as they dislike blacks in general though they’d never admit to being prejudiced. I guess we’re due for another year long spectacle like the Simpson trial.

Ah, the New Rome and it’s circus!

Rush is Back and so is Ruth

The results of a poll conducted by AOL showed that 48% of the respondents thought Rush would be more powerful than ever now that he’s conquered his addiction to pai ·n pills. I have two questions about all this tempest in a tea pot. First, is Rush still in pain? Second, why are there only conservative Republican talk radio pundits?

Get me a microphone! I’ll be the first Liberal talk radio pundit. I’m sure I’d feel a lot better if I could get some of this worry out and at the same time feel as though I might make some small difference in the way people perceive the political world around them.

As to Ruth, she called last night, sweet as could be. She told me she wants me to come to Orchard Hill Farm for Thanksgiving dinner next week. Surprise, surprise! She’d better invite me - what with all my children, grand children and great grand children coming!

Rosie Stalemate



Divas don’t always win. But, she didn’t lose. Neither she, nor the defunct magazine won damages.

Question

Why does every press photo of Rosie make her look as though she is angry? Why does everyone seem to be so happy that Rosie’s popularity is on a down turn. Is it because we like to see the high and mighty fall? Or, could it be because she is an openly gay / lesbian mother? I don’t know for sure, but having been a supressed, closeted gay man for most of my life, I suspect that people still like to kick us when we’re down. At the same time, I hope that she does not lose her fight with the State of Florida over gay and lesbian custody of children because I’m gay and I’m on her side. But, she’s also right - it has been shown in many studies that gay and lesbian parents are every bit as good as, and perhaps better in some instances than straight parents.

Lesbian and heterosexual women have not been found to differ markedly either in their overall mental health or in their approaches to child rearing (Kweskin & Cook, 1982; Lyons, 1983; Miller, Jacobsen, & Bigner, 1981; Mucklow & Phelan, 1979; Pagelow, 1980; Rand, Graham, & Rawlings, 1982; Thompson, McCandl üess, & Strickland, 1971), nor have lesbians' romantic and sexual relationships with other women been found to detract from their ability to care for their children (Pagelow, 1980). Recent evidence suggests that lesbian couples who are parenting together tend to divide household and family labor relatively evenly (Hand, 1991; Patterson, 1995a) and to report

satisfaction with their couple relationships (Koepke, Hare, & Moran, 1992; Patterson, 1995a). Research on gay fathers has similarly found no reason to believe them unfit as parents (Barret & Robinson, 1990; Bigner and Bozett, 1990; Bozett, 1980, 1989).
*

It is amazing (for instance) that Florida’s courts will award custody to an abusive heterosexual father rather than to a loving lesbian mother.

+American Psychological Association on Line, “Lesbian and Gay Parenting,” http://www.apa.org/pi/parent.html, 1995 (viewed November 13, 2003/6:20 A>M. EST ÷)


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Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

November 20, 2003

Varnastrama Eclipsed by Earth


*

I returned from Varnastrama yesterday afternoon and went to dinner with Pete and Jim. Knowing my sexual persuasion they asked me if I had heard about the Massachusetts Court ruling against the state’s ban on gay marriage. Varnastrama was immediately put out of mind. I actually entered the "Big Needle" dining room shouting

Bravo!

I’m still celebrating tonight by eating an entire 12 oz. package of Crispy M & M’s as I write. I will suffer later, but I don’t care. I’m sure that the court decision will cause a bit of national indigestion as well, and that may be the understatement of the year. I read in a front page article in the New York Times today that the court ruling will spell trouble for the democrat party in the 2004 presidential election.

Of course President Bush has already come out against the Massachusetts Supreme Court decision.

President Bush has criticized Tuesday's decision by the highest court in the state of Massachusetts to grant same-sex couples the legal right of marriage.

Mr. Bush said in a statement the decision violates the principle that marriage is a "sacred institution between a man and a woman."
*

Mr. Bush, as do many other conservative christian fundamentalists, confuses church with state concerns. Perhaps Mr. Bush’s personal religious beliefs are such that this court decision causes him personal concern, but his interest in the guiding principle of the fathers of the constitution to maintain the separation of church and state should prevent his personal feelings from influencing his Presidential position. That position should be based on the concern that every citizen of the United States of America be given equal rights, privileges, and opportunities under the constitution.

Of course I know that such a political position is the ideal. I also know that some would call me an incurable romantic for expecting that any president of the United States would be able to function in such a manner let alone this particular president who has demonstrated his inability to separate his religious belief system from any part of his thought processes. His behavior on the other hand exhibits a schizophrenic break with his belief system. For example, I recall how Mr. Bush prayed for peace, as he waged war. Today I also know that he and his government lied to us about weapons of mass destruction in order to invade Iraq.

In any event, I expect that we will see an attempt to draft an amendment to the United States Constitution that bans gay and lesbian marriages. I also expect that someday my children or perhaps my grand children will be able to look back on this Massachusetts court decision as one of the important early legal events in a process that will lead to equal rights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered peoples.

*CNN.com, image source, http://www.cnn.com/US/9808/07/methodists.gays/t1.gay.marriage.jpg
”Methodist Court debates Punishing Pastors over Union Ceremonies for Gay and Lesbian Couples,” August 7, 1998 (visited 6:21 A.M. EST, 11/20/03)
*VOA News, 18 Nov 2003, 22:47UTC, “Bush Criticizes Massachusetts Court Decision on Same-Sex Marriage,”
VOANews.com, http://www.voanews.com/article.cfm?objectID=D755FC1D-E07B-4CD7-B5A8EF5653395A11 (visit 11/19/03 at 5:25 P.M.)

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Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

November 17, 2003

Continued from this morning...
I’m frustrated with this war that isn’t a war, to say nothing of the president who wages it, and the congress and senate foolish enough to give him total permission to do so. I’m taking Tuesday and Wednesday off for a nice relaxing trip to Varnastrama.

On a More Humorous Note




The Action Hero was sworn in today as California’s 38th governor. Good luck with the deficit, Arnold. I hope you prove me wrong and are actually able to do something about it.

The image above was taken from Rotten Tomatoes .com, “http://www.rottentomatoes.com/p/ArnoldSchwarzenegger-1013938/news.php,” (November 16,2003, 5:36 P.M.)

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Take a look at:

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Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

2 Black Hawk Helicopters Down in Iraq

17 Dead! I’ve lost count. What is the total number of American Armed Services personnel killed ?



The image of the Black Hawk helicopter above is from the BBC news, Tuesday, September 18, 2001,”http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/1550962.stm” (viewed: November 16, 2003, 11:01 A.M.) The article reminded me of a saner time, right after 911 when the hunt for Osama and terrorists in general might have been conducted without destroying nations, killing innocent women and children, destroying irreplaceable ancient artifacts, and - certainly not the least - killing American men and women armed forces personnel by the hundreds in the process. But, Oh well. “Asi es la vida,” as our Latino brothers and sisters might say.

And, Mr. Bush has pronounced, “I pray for peace,” while waging war.

I’m sure everyone will see the AP and other press photographs of mangled pieces of the crashed Black Hawks. I thought it might be nice to view one that was actually flying without being shot out of the air.

That is what happened, by the way. The Black Hawks were shot out of the air Saturday.

”The U.S. Military on Sunday was investigating whether insurgent groundfire caused the crash of two U.S. helicopters, killing 17 American soldiers in the worst single loss of U.S. life since the start of the Iraq war.”


News Flash

There were witnesses! They describe a surface to air missile hitting at least one of the helicopters. What investigation is needed? Why spend my tax dollars on an investigation? Go looking for the damn weapons catches, gentlemen!

Don’t bomb more innocent citizens of Iraq.

Don’t pass go!

Do get a decent Iraqi secret service up and running and...

Do go looking for all the damn weapons!

How hard is this to figure out? If an 84 year old formerly Amish, gay artist living in Pine Needle Manor Retirement Home can figure it out, why can’t Mr. Bush, his cabinet, our government, and our armed services all put together?

Go figure!

Enough said.

The quote above is from “http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20031025102009990001,” AOL News, posted 8:08 Am EST, November 16, 2003. I viewed it at 11:14 A.M. EST.)

November 16, 2003

Good Morning Dear Journal

There’s no way to be delicate about this, so I’ll just describe my afternoon at the ABS. As you might recall, dear journal, I had talked about going there the last time I wrote you. There were indeed some older gentlemen there. However, let me back up and describe the place.

My Visit to the ABS

I parked in a small lot behind what looks like an old warehouse. A small metal door is located at the center of a long narrow wall of the warehouse building. The small sign above it reads “Erotic Stuff.” Well, not the greatest name, I agree. I opened the metal door to find a long steep and narrow staircase descending into the basement of the building. The door shut behind me and I heard a bell go off somewhere behind a second metal door at the bottom of the stairs. It’s a good thing I’m still in such good shape, or I’d never have made it down and back up those steps. Behind the second metal door is what looks like a normal magazine or video store at first glance; display counters lined up in rows, until one looks across the room at the vitrine on the far wall. It is full of sex dolls, dildos of all colors shapes and sizes, penis enlargement kits, cock rings, anal douches, dominatrix and leather items. To the rite of that is the entrance to the theater section. I went to the store clerk, a pleasant young Goth fellow with a pink and bleach blond mohawk, black shirt, arms covered with tattoos of spiders and their webs and got change for a five dollar bill. I asked him how the movies worked. He looked at me as though I was crazy and said, “Just feed-um these,” and pointed to the one dollar bills he was handing me.

The Video Booths Section



I rounded the corner into the booth section. All the videos showing are in a brightly lit glass display case to your right as you go in the room. The covers look something like the photo above except they are much more explicit. I took this photo from an adult male web site though I was careful to chose one that shows no parts. Booths at the Lancaster ABS are arranged in rows on either side of a long hall. Men of various ages were leaning against the walls at the end of each row of booths. Some of them looked to be my age, others much younger, and some looked downright seedy, whatever their age. I was shocked to see that the booths had no doors and you could see right into them. In one booth a very young and good looking man was stroking his penis while watching several men gang bang a somewhat chubby young woman with breasts the size of watermelons. In another, one very large individual was down on his knees before a slightly less large person. As I walked past others, individuals in the booths looked up hopefully, and then quickly turned their heads away. I guess I’m too old and wrinkly to interest most of them.

I did find one fellow leaning in a corner who looked to be in my age range, and I struck up a conversation with him. He told me that this was a typical group of straight and gay men in the booth area, except that sometimes a straight man will allow a gay man to felate him. I asked if it wasn’t a bit strange to have sex in an open booth where others can walk by and observe. He said that he thought that aspect of the place excited many of the individuals who frequent the ABS. He motioned toward a booth at the other end of the cross hall we were in. The red light over the door was lit meaning someone was watching a porno movie in the booth. There were 3 of the younger occupants of the video area gathered at the door, leaning in and watching. “You see,” my new friend said, “They’re watching whatever it is that’s going on in there.” He had a big smile on his face inferring that we both knew full well what was happening in said booth. He continued, “The guys watching are getting off, and the guys in the booth are really getting off knowing they’re being watched.”

We talked more, about the protocol of sexual relations in the place, and he told me that most of the sex that takes place there is anonymous to casual. That guys don’t meet and make permanent friendships there. “Friends may come to the ABS together, but they don’t come with the intention of making new friends,” he said.

“What about all of us older men,” I said. These guys aren’t here to meet other men and form relationships or friendships?” I asked.

“Of course not,” was his reply. “They’re just here to get off. They’ve already got a wife at home, or a boy friend, or they’re loners, who have never decided what they are.” By the last, he meant that

some men don’t decide their sexuality and they live in a limbo of anxiety ridden terror of committing to any relationship for fear of having to admit to being homosexual.



When I asked my new found friend of he would give me his phone number, he said, “No,” but asked me if I wanted to step into a booth with him to watch one of the porno flicks. I declined, simply because I have always felt awkward about anonymous or casual sex. I did watch a couple of the flicks on my own and found one of them to be extremely stimulating.

The photograph above was taken from the site "http://www.gaycinema.org/" Gay Cinema I am not providing a link here because I am not a gay pornography site, nor do I recommend them. I am simply documenting a copyrighted source. My visit to the site to obtain the image was on November 8, 2003.


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John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

November 14, 2003

I can't remove a double posting, so I'm entering a new post so I can remove the double one. Have a good one, dear Journal.
Oh what, Oh what is my daughter up to now?



I’m bored, and ready to perform as the Foil Man. That would give Ruth a start. She hasn’t called or visited and it’s a bit worrysome when I don’t hear from her or see her for a while. Of course, a visit to Varnastrama would probably get me in less trouble. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, or me.

A Day in the Life on This Earth

Yesterday began like most. I was up at 5:30 A.M. I always said that I would sleep in when I retired. However, it hasn’t turned out that way. There’s always too much to do. And, I guess I do need less sleep than I used to. I ate breakfast in my apartment; just cereal, toast, coffee, and orange juice. They were having scrambled eggs in the BIG NEEDLE dining room. I think the kitchen uses yolk free eggs because they have the texture of mush, but taste like cardboard. There are other choices on the menu on scrambled styrofoam day, but just the smell of those semi-eggs makes my stomach revolt.

I helped sort and deliver mail. I imagine that I save the BIG NEEDLE money as a staff member is freed to do other things. But, I don’t mind. It’s the kind of mindless activity that keeps me occupied for a couple of hours every other day. Besides, I get to talk to people as I make my rounds delivering mail, and keep up on the gossip. Roy Veich does it Monday / Wednesday / Friday and I do it Tuesday / Thursday / Saturday; and we cover for one another when necessary.

This morning I had my card group at 10:00 A.M. We play poker, and/or bridge. I’m not a card person, but it forces me to maintain contact with straight members of the community I would not otherwise be bothered with. Some of the guys minds aren’t too good, and some days I just buddy with someone who needs a lot of help.

Other mornings I might take a friend shopping or to the Dr, or both. I avoid Bible Study because they interpret the Bible so literally. I’m sure most of them think I’m damaged goods with a toe tag marked “destination hell.”

Lunch is at 12:00 Noon. It’s the big meal of the day and is often pretty good. You have a menu with choices in the BIG NEEDLE dining room so more often than not I eat lunch there. Today I had Salisbury Steak, mashed potatoes (they’re not instant), string beans, a small green salad, and chocolate cake for desert with coffee and milk.

Three days a week I help out in the Arts and Crafts class at 2:00 P.M. However, It keeps changing every couple of weeks from 2:00 to 3:00, or even to 3:30 P.M. because we keep changing our Director of Activities. The problem? The Big Needle hires someone without a high school diploma with no experience other than making macaroni Christmas Wreaths and expecting her to run an entire leisure activities program with little or no budget. Oh, and they pay her next to nothing for doing it.

On days I don’t do these planned activities, I spend time making my own art, and or writing you, my dear Journal.

However, tomorrow afternoon, I’m going to do something quite out of the ordinary. I’m going to our BIG city's only

Adult Book Store.

Contrary to public opinion old people do get horny occasionally, and I’ve been told the movies in the booths are full of hot young things getting off. I’ve also heard that “older gentlemen” frequent the place. Who knows, I might just meet someone nice there. I thought I’d go in before dinner, around 4:00 P.M. I’m all a quiver just thinking about it. Wish me luck, dear Journal.


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November 12, 2003

Assault on Civil Liberties Speech

Thank you Al Gore for your speech given Sunday, 11/09/03 in which you state “In my opinion, it makes no more sense to launch an assault on our civil liberties as the best way to get at terrorists than it did to launch an invasion of Iraq as the best way to get a t Osama bin Laden.”

I excerpted Mr. Gore’s statement from an article by Jennifer C. Kerr, Associated Press, and I have one problem with it. Ms. Kerr states that Al Gore “lost the 2000 election. He did not. The Supreme Court made the decision to end the debate over which candidate won. It has since been established that the Florida election was won by Mr. Gore despite a great deal of manipulation of the election process in that state at the time.

The former vice president spoke this past Sunday at the American Constitution Society and he “brought many in the d crowd of 3,000 to their feet when he called for a repeal of the Patriot Act, which the expanded government’s surveillance and detention power, allowing authorities to monitor books people read and conduct secret searches.”

We need more voices like Mr. Gores! We need to take our government back from the ultra conservative forces that would strip us of our freedoms in the name of protection from terrorism.

Mr. Bush Struts His Stuff



Who can forget the image of the flight suit attired Mr. Bush strutting on the deck of the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln after having declared an end to the war in Iraq on May 1 of this year. To me it was an image both ludicrous and frightening. Mr. Bush reminded me of the classroom bully I had to deal with on a daily basis in our little Amish one room school house as a child. And, he reminded me that we are once again a colonial power occupying a nation half way around the world. This, after the dismantling of colonial empires during the last century.

In a poll conducted by AOL on line this morning, 57% of those responding felt that the carrier images were positive and still make Mr. Bush look good. I just don’t get it!

The image above, http://www.whitehouse.gov/president/gallery/photoessay/weekinreview/20030426/images/20030501-15_lincoln4-515h-398h.jpg, is a White House photo taken by Paul Morse.


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November 09, 2003

Computer Theory



My grandson tells me that he is having to spend more time on the computer in his teaching job this year than ever before. He also says that the things teacher’s are doing with computers are nothing short of miraculous, but unbelievably time consuming. Here’s a short list.


    1. take attendance
    2. write lessons
    3. track schedules and meetings
    4. record keeping & grades
    5. post grades, lessons, and assignments on line
    6. communicate with district personnel through internal e-mail
    7. communicate with parents and students through district on line e-mail


Adam says that all grades and assignments are available on line for parents and students to check at any time. "That makes everyone more accountable, including the teacher."

I have several thoughts about that. First, computers were supposed to make work faster and easier. Instead, according to Adam, my other grandchildren, and children, the work day seems to revolve increasingly around the computer, with hours of extra computer generated and/or related tasks added on. The computer has increasingly taken over their work and daily lives. To understand how this has happened it is necessary to summarize several facts about the nature of the computer. First, the computer is based on a binary system of mathematical certainty that dictates a “yes or no” basis for all that which is built over the underlying dichotomous network. The binary units are organized into strings and then into various languages that allow programers to create the structures that we all use to organize information in various ways; write, do math and science, compose music, draw, paint, communicate through the Internet, etc. So, the second fact is that when we work, we are thinking through someone else’s thought patterns because all computer programs work the way their creator’s mind works. Third, the computer is a bottomless pit, an informational black hole, and we must feed it. Thus we are coerced in three ways to work according to the dictates of the computer. Our society is more and more about organizing information, and we are increasingly the unwitting victims of this pattern of coercion.

A Social Theory and The Computer



Ludwig Fleck, in The Genesis and Development of a Scientific Fact, published in the United States in 1981, was a medical doctor and researcher who was caught in Hitler’s Nazi juggernaut and survived. Fleck described scientific discovery as a social process in which reality is constructed within the social context of communities of thinkers. The communities develop styles of thought that over time become systems that constrain, limit, and determine thought to such an extent that it is impossible for the individual to perceive the world in alternate ways (Fleck 38-51). Individuals must perform within a system that prescribes the performance, the relationships of the various performers, and the ways that the lines of the performance may be delivered, though perhaps the lines themselves may be improvised.

To paraphrase Fleck in terms of the 21st Century Computer driven era in which we live, I believe that we live and work in a system based on the computer. The thought styles of communities of workers have developed over a period of time through the influence of computers into systems in which reality is made within the social context of computer driven work. Styles of thought have become constrained and determined by the nature of our computerized society. These systems are so determining as to prevent the individual from understanding the world in alternate ways.

Bombings in Saudi Arabia




This new suicide car bomb attack has killed more than 35 persons including the 9 possible terrorists themselves. Most of the other injuries and deaths were women and children of various nationalities. The Saudi governement is attributing the attack to al-Quaida. The attack points out the evil nature of a terrorist organization whose members are willing to die so that innocents may die as well. Yes, this is a sick holy war!

Once again, I know that God is asking this question of Mr Bush and our nation.

“Why sink to their level? Why has the USA invaded Iraq and also killed innocent women and children in a holy war against al-Quaida? If this is a war against terrorism, why are you making terrorism of your own.”



Dear journal, let us truly fight against terror, and not invade foreign countries.
Let’s make a huge effort to create an international police force created through the United Nations whose task it would be to root out and destroy terrorist organizations. Building such a police force would be a wonderful start on an actual war against terror!


The image and information above was acquired from an AP article by Donna Abu-Nasr. The article is located at “http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20031108165309990001”


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November 07, 2003

Lancaster’s Own



Charles Demuth is one of my “faves,” to use the vernacular. He was born, lived, created the greatest part of his work, and died in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He was also homosexual, a fact which everyone here at home works very hard to ignore. We keep him in the closet and let him out only on special occasions.
As a young adult, Demuth lived and attended art classes in Philadelphia, took residence in New York City and Paris at times, spent summers in New Hope, Pennsylvania, and vacationed in Provincetown, Massachusetts, and Bermuda. During the years 1901 to 1922 Demuth spent more time away from Lancaster than in it, but was forced to return to Lancaster permanently after his health deteriorated in 1922. He was diabetic (one of the first to receive insulin treatments in the United States). Once he had resettled in Lancaster on a more or less permanent basis, he discovered a mission to instruct the people of Lancaster, and to contribute his part to the new, “modern art,” in the United States. “What work I do will be done here; terrible as it is to work in this ‘our land of the free’....” he said.” “I fell ‘in’ America, -- even though it’s [sic] insides are empty. Maybe I can help to fill them.”
Why did Demuth think of the “American Scene” as vacuous? The question is intriguing, and begs for an answer. Indeed, it might be the fit subject for a book, dear journal. However, it must be sufficient to say here that he found Lancaster, provincial after his visits and residences in Philadelphia, New York, and the Paris of Gertrude Stein, the Avant Guarde, and the new, Modernist aesthetic. In fact, Demuth referred to Lancaster as “The Province.”

Crusade Versus Jihad



Why do I find Demuth’s comments about Lancaster and the USA still applicable today? Charles (I can call him by name, since I did meet him.) loved Lancaster as do I. It is a beautiful piece of this earth, and the fact that we call it “God’s country” gives an accurate picture of our local perception of it’s beauty. However, it also gives an indication of our provincialism. We do believe that God favor’s us and protects us above all others. Many of us here in “The Province” still see ourselves as the chosen of God. All others therefore are outsiders at the least, heathen and barbarian at the most.
I think it safe to say that many in our nation’s current presidential administration view all of Islam and most of the Middle East as barbarian and heathen. For instance I have excerpted the following from an article titled “The Pentagon Unleashes a Holy War” by William M Arkin of The Los Angeles Times on Line. The article is dated October 16, 2003 and is about the Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence, Jerry Boykin.

<>There was a man in Mogadishu named Osman Atto," whom Boykin described as a top lieutenant of Mohammed Farah Aidid.

When Boykin's Delta Force commandos went after Atto, they missed him by seconds, he said. "He went on CNN and he laughed at us, and he said, 'They'll never get me because Allah will protect me. Allah will protect me.'

"Well, you know what?" Boykin continued. "I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol." Atto later was captured.

Boykin is also quoted as saying, "George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States," ... .... "He was appointed by God."

Men like Boykin view our invasion of Iraq as a holy war, a Crusade. What’s the difference between a Christian Crusade and an Islamic Jihad? Non, they are the same. They are both holy wars against an enemy who is understood to be heathen and barbarian, and we all know that the lives of barbarians and heathens are not important.


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November 05, 2003

Indian Summer



It was 79 degrees F again yesterday! I spoke on the phone with Tom, a friend who lives in Rehoboth Beach, De. Tom’s grandson and granddaughter went to the beach swimming - in November! It was so cold during the first two weeks of October, and it has been as though November flip-flopped with October.

Well, it’s supposed to get colder and colder each day during the rest of this week. Bl-a-a-a-a-gh!

Ruth Called Yesterday

No apology of course. She still thinks she did nothing wrong when she damaged my drawings of Scott Merritt.

I Go for a Drive



I went for a drive by myself yesterday because I was feeling down. I’m usually driving other residents from THE BIG NEEDLE to doctor appointments or shopping. I drove to the Southern part of the county, near the Susquehanna River. There, crossing a small tributary of the river is a covered bridge. It’s located at the bottom of a twisting country road that drops down a hill at a hair raising incline. After one last sudden turn, the bridge and stream are visible. It’s Pequea Creek, and it gurgles over falls and rapids beneath a 200 year old canopy of oak and maple forest. During the summer months people go swimming in the rapids there because you can be shot through the falls into pools of cool green transparent water. It’s a beautiful spot.

When I arrived at the creek yesterday, I got out of my car and walked carefully back into the woods, beside the creek. The sound of the rapids, birds singing, crickets whirring relaxed me. I was pleased that I am still agile enough to negotiate the rocky path into the woods despite my age. I found a big rock next to the water and sat - perhaps for an hour - I’m not sure. I lost track of time. I’m sure the crickets were singing their swan song, and most of the birds will be heading South soon as well.

I know that I am fortunate to be alive and as well as I am, but...

I couldn’t help thinking about how lonely I am sometimes. So many of my friends are gone, most importantly my loves, Peter and Rebecca.

Ah, Fall the season of old age heralds the coming of winter, the season of death.


And, this horrible war that is not a war - more of our children and grandchildren's deaths accruing every day - is bringing me lower and lower!

Depressing notes for a depressed old man.

THE END IS NEARER THAN WE THINK!


E-mail me! My e-mail address is ZacSfuts@aol.com.

Visit my homepage
AOL Hometown

The leaf image in this entry was taken from "http://www.gatewaymountain.com/" Gateway Mountain, a Gated Community in Western South Carolina.

Take a look at:

Mark Harden’s Artchive. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s the best place to find excellent images of artist’s works on the WWW.

Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

November 03, 2003

At Least 16 More American Soldiers Died in Iraq Yesterday



If only you would read this Mr. President and take it to heart. If only I weren’t just spinning this out into the cyber void (CV). If I had a direct line to your office, Sir, I would tell you that It is time to negotiate a multinational United Nations led force to go to Iraq to finish this nasty business. The USA would withdraw all but a small portion of its troops and would give up the right to direct the reconstruction effort in Iraq. You, of course would refuse. But I would know that I had been able to speak directly to you.

Staying the Course!


    1. The USA will continue to play the part of THE EVIL EMPIRE in a game that looks increasingly like Vietnam. No, it is not like Vietnam, the number of American dead is not in the thousands. The American soldier death rate is only in the hundreds as people in your administration have been saying.
    2. However, notice the word ONLY. Read out loud with me, Sir. “The number of American dead is only in the hundreds.” Do you hear how horrible that sounds to all of us who have children and/or grandchildren or whose friends have children and/or grandchildren fighting this war over OIL.
    3. OIL is the problem, not terrorism. The Twenty-first century is being taken away from my children and grandchildren as I write, because you did not have the sense to pursue The War on Terrorism in a more appropriate manner. It is being taken away because “black gold” has blinded the Texas oil oligarchy to the necessity of reducing our dependence on oil as part of any REAL war on terrorism.



The Consequences!



The consequences of staying with the course will possibly be like those for that luxurious behemoth, Titanic in 1912, driven into the hidden cutting edge of a monstrous iceberg because she was thought to be unsinkable.

It is, in fact, a cold night in April and our look-out is having difficulty seeing through the hoary mist. As the hour approaches midnight, not but a thousand feet ahead, the jagged shape looms out of the fog, towering above his head. He radios the captain. The turn about order is given. Is it too late?

I pray that we are able to keep this ship afloat.

My Christian God is a Loving God

My God is shaking his head and shedding tears over this war. He is upset because we have entered on a new crusade. He knows how the medieval crusades ended.

"How did they end Isaac?"

Well, God, they ended with the Muslim East hating the Christian West, and the Christian West hating the Muslim East.

"That's true," God says. "So, Why repeat that mistake?"

End Conversation



If you truly pray for peace as you say, Mr. President, you will do as I have suggested, and put an end to this travesty.

ENOUGH!



I am not so foolish as to think that the president and his cronies are going to listen to an 84 year old gay retired farmer artist from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Even if they did read my blog. I am just spinning my wheels, so to speak. Ah, well...


E-mail me! My e-mail address is ZacSfuts@aol.com.

Visit my homepage
AOL Hometown

Take a look at:

Mark Harden’s Artchive. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s the best place to find excellent images of artist’s works on the WWW.

Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain

November 01, 2003

Good Morning Lancaster,

Happy Un-Halloween!




I’m Tired and Depressed



I’m 84, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. I’m lucky to be ambulatory. However, this is my blog, so I’ll complain if I want to.
Complain if I want to,
Complain if I want to. (reference to old 1950’s song)

I woke up feeling miserable this morning. Not physically, though I have various and assorted pains that I deal with constantly. These do bring me low from time to time. Especially when the arthritis kicks in and every joint hurts, the knees feel like they’re about to come unhinged, and the back feels like a Mac Truck just slammed into it. However, this morning it’ s mental pain. I miss the people who are gone; Peter, Rebecca, and so many friends. But, more than that, it’s nameless angst, almost dread. Am I anticipating some horrible event like my own death? If so, It’s going to happen anyway, and I must stop this.

Think of something beautiful Isaac!

I’m looking at the orange, gold, and scarlet foliage of the silver maple outside my bedroom window. It is sun-struck in places, so brilliant! Other spots in shadow still apple green with dull-gold fringe. Fall colors are wonderful, but they don’t help when I’m depressed because I think that all this is preamble to winter, and I HATE winter!

I’ve always felt this way about fall. So, now I’ve completed the obsessive circle, back to being depressed!

I will stop now!



That’s easier said than done. But, every time depression rears it’s red bug-eyed and scaly head, I’ll stop myself, and move on to something else. So...

Moving on...





Back to the art thread and Duchamp. Through Duchamp’s Fountain, its relationship to Duchamp’s other work, and the relationship of Duchamp’s oeuvre to my work, time and space are reduced to a primordial particle in motion, one that must include the instant before and after the universe begins and ends. Paz does not say that Duchamp’s work is nihilistic, that is, he is not discussing a state of nothingness (no thing), for this state is inclusive of all possibilities including that of absolute nothingness. In such a universe, dichotomies are not stable. They cannot exist, but must be subsumed within a broad sub-universe of shifting categories and possibilities. It is chaos understood. In that universe the heterosexual versus homosexual dichotomy exists among countless imagined and unimagined possible sexualities. Duchamp’s work embodies the hinge that allows sexual dichotomy of any type to turn upon itself, rotate, describe a diagonal line that rotates about itself in order to become a vertical line, to describe two opposed cones touching at a single point, to fold into that single point, and vanish.

Dalia Judovitz in Unpacking Duchamp: Art in Transit speaks to this “reduction,” though she calls it “displacement,” (Derrida uses the term “differance” [spoken and heard as difference, but including the meaning of defer- to delay]This is an over simplification of one of Derrida’s ideas. In Derrida’s terms, “differance” has no stable meaning, since it is always alternating between the two definitions, “to differ” and to “defer.”). Judovitz develops shows how Duchamp delays or defers understanding difference by postponing the viewer’s encounter with the object Fountain. She enumerates precisely the ways that Duchamp achieves that in Fountain.1

The set of displacements that this work actively stages includes: 1) an artisanal object replaced by a mass-produced object, 2) an object replaced by a photograph,” Steiglitz’s photograph of the urinal. “3) Duchamp’s signature replaced by the pseudonym “R. Mutt,” 4) the author (Duchamp) replaced by a photographer(Stieglitz),... ... and 5 ) the spectator (who attends the Independents’ Show, but does not see the work)...
(Judovitz 127)


Judovitz continues her explication of the intricate workings of each displacement, carefully demonstrating that the comprehension of Duchamp’s oeuvre is always just beyond our grasp. The work is so complex
and convoluted that it falls back upon itself and seemingly disappears into a space that includes any/all possibilities. The collected work of Isaac Stoltzfuts refers to all the displacements, convolutions, and interactions among these practices and demonstrates how power in language culture and its sexualities is extant in Duchamp’s work through its own convoluted contents. The point of intersection between the two convoluted bodies of work is like another hinge. The new hinge folds upon itself, and once again, we discover an infinity of possibilities.

This discussion is a continuation of Isaac Stolzfuts journal entries from October 24 and 26, 2003


The image of “Fountain” included here is from Mark Harden’s Artchive, http://www.artchive.com/ftp_site.htm. There is a link to the site below.



E-mail me! My e-mail address is ZacSfuts@aol.com.

Visit my homepage
AOL Hometown

Take a look at:

Mark Harden’s Artchive. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s the best place to find excellent images of artist’s works on the WWW.

Gay Artist’s Galleries

John Giuffre’s blog Thoughts From A Collapsed Brain