Dirty Laundry?!?
It was about 8:00 in the evening. I was cleaning the kitchen, a job I hate because of the bending and stooping involved, and the phone was ringing.
“Adam,” I said, “Can you get that?”
“Sure.” I was making so much noise putting pots and pans away that I didn’t hear the conversation, and was startled when Adam tapped me on the shoulder. “It’s my Dad, Grandpa.” With his hand over the receiver, he whispered, “He wants to talk to you, and I think he’s pissed.”
“Samuel, Hi.” Ruth and Samuel haven’t been on the phone at all because Ruth is still upset about my move to South Florida, so I added, “What’s happening?”
“Isaac, you know what’s happening. You are! That damned blog. You just outed Adam, which is the least of it. You announced to the world that in addition to being a sexual pervert, he is also sexually irresponsible and promiscuous as hell.”
Even though I have some hearing loss in my right ear, his voice was raised to a pitch that made the phone break up, and I had to lift the receiver away from my head.
“Samuel. Please, lower your voice.”
“It’s a bit hard to think right now, Isaac. I’m so angry! I’m happy you are almost1200 miles away. I’d probably be arrested for inflicting violence on a family member if we were in the same room.”
“I didn’t out Adam, Samuel.”
“Ruth is locked in her room and won’t come out.”
I said, "I didn’t out Adam.”
“According to Sam Jr. that’s not the way it reads on your blog. He called with the information that Adam is screwing with every gay man in Fort Lauderdale.”
“That's over stating the facts a bit. Besides, I didn’t out Adam.”
“How so?”
“As you know, I use all fictitious names on the blog.”
“So what! Anyone reading that Pennsylvania Dutch Queer Soap can tell whom it’s about.”
“Right. Your farmer neighbors in Lancaster County read my blog.”
“They might.”
“Samuel, I'm not that important. Only my family knows I exist. In the world of blogging, I’m a nobody. In your neighborhood, I’m nobody. Think. Has anyone said anything to you about “Isaac Stolzfuts’ Journal,” ever?”
“Isaac, it’s out there for all the world to read.”
“Yes, and on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high, any personal news I report is worth a 1. And, nobody knows who we are, and all names are changed to protect the innocent. Think about it. Relax.”
“I can’t relax.”
“Try.”
“You are being totally irresponsible.”
“I am not.”
“Hellfire and damnation, Isaac. You are impossible.”
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
“If and when I can get Ruth out of her bedroom, I need to talk to Adam.”
“Why not now.”
“Because he’s not acting like my son. I don’t know who he is. I am so angry with him… there’s no point. I doubt I would make sense just now.”
“It might help him to know just how upset you are over his promiscuity.”
“Isaac! I don’t know what I’m most upset about. I haven’t gotten over the fact that my son is a homosexual; much less that he can’t keep it in his pants. At the same time, his grandfather manages to spread the family dirty laundry all over the World Wide Web.”
“I’m sure Adam would like being referred to as dirty laundry.”
“Damn! Isaac, I’m going to hang-up now. When you are able to call and apologize, I suggest you do so.” The phone went dead.
I looked at Adam who had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry Grandpa.”
“Ruth spends 90% of her life being upset with me, Adam. I’m used to it.”
“But, that was Dad.”
“You just came out to your parents last year. He hasn’t had time to come to terms with that. I guess I should have thought about your parent’s feelings before I wrote about this episode in the blog.”
“Who would have thought Mom and Dad read your blog?”
“They don’t. Your brother does.”
“Great. Once a snitch, always a snitch.”
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“Adam,” I said, “Can you get that?”
“Sure.” I was making so much noise putting pots and pans away that I didn’t hear the conversation, and was startled when Adam tapped me on the shoulder. “It’s my Dad, Grandpa.” With his hand over the receiver, he whispered, “He wants to talk to you, and I think he’s pissed.”
“Samuel, Hi.” Ruth and Samuel haven’t been on the phone at all because Ruth is still upset about my move to South Florida, so I added, “What’s happening?”
“Isaac, you know what’s happening. You are! That damned blog. You just outed Adam, which is the least of it. You announced to the world that in addition to being a sexual pervert, he is also sexually irresponsible and promiscuous as hell.”
Even though I have some hearing loss in my right ear, his voice was raised to a pitch that made the phone break up, and I had to lift the receiver away from my head.
“Samuel. Please, lower your voice.”
“It’s a bit hard to think right now, Isaac. I’m so angry! I’m happy you are almost1200 miles away. I’d probably be arrested for inflicting violence on a family member if we were in the same room.”
“I didn’t out Adam, Samuel.”
“Ruth is locked in her room and won’t come out.”
I said, "I didn’t out Adam.”
“According to Sam Jr. that’s not the way it reads on your blog. He called with the information that Adam is screwing with every gay man in Fort Lauderdale.”
“That's over stating the facts a bit. Besides, I didn’t out Adam.”
“How so?”
“As you know, I use all fictitious names on the blog.”
“So what! Anyone reading that Pennsylvania Dutch Queer Soap can tell whom it’s about.”
“Right. Your farmer neighbors in Lancaster County read my blog.”
“They might.”
“Samuel, I'm not that important. Only my family knows I exist. In the world of blogging, I’m a nobody. In your neighborhood, I’m nobody. Think. Has anyone said anything to you about “Isaac Stolzfuts’ Journal,” ever?”
“Isaac, it’s out there for all the world to read.”
“Yes, and on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high, any personal news I report is worth a 1. And, nobody knows who we are, and all names are changed to protect the innocent. Think about it. Relax.”
“I can’t relax.”
“Try.”
“You are being totally irresponsible.”
“I am not.”
“Hellfire and damnation, Isaac. You are impossible.”
“Yes, I suppose I am.”
“If and when I can get Ruth out of her bedroom, I need to talk to Adam.”
“Why not now.”
“Because he’s not acting like my son. I don’t know who he is. I am so angry with him… there’s no point. I doubt I would make sense just now.”
“It might help him to know just how upset you are over his promiscuity.”
“Isaac! I don’t know what I’m most upset about. I haven’t gotten over the fact that my son is a homosexual; much less that he can’t keep it in his pants. At the same time, his grandfather manages to spread the family dirty laundry all over the World Wide Web.”
“I’m sure Adam would like being referred to as dirty laundry.”
“Damn! Isaac, I’m going to hang-up now. When you are able to call and apologize, I suggest you do so.” The phone went dead.
I looked at Adam who had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry Grandpa.”
“Ruth spends 90% of her life being upset with me, Adam. I’m used to it.”
“But, that was Dad.”
“You just came out to your parents last year. He hasn’t had time to come to terms with that. I guess I should have thought about your parent’s feelings before I wrote about this episode in the blog.”
“Who would have thought Mom and Dad read your blog?”
“They don’t. Your brother does.”
“Great. Once a snitch, always a snitch.”
You can send E-mail comments to
ZacSfuts@Comcast.net
, or post them below.
posted by Isaac at 7/13/2006 09:45:00 AM
1 Comments:
I'm sorry that they've taken it like that. My daughter came out two years ago. She had a lovely partner for a year or so who I was very fond of too. They are missing out on so much.
I'm sorry your real name isn't Isaac, I love that name!
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