I was good. I didn’t lecture. I didn’t fuss. I even welcomed him back with a hug, at which he immediately broke down and cried. We had a long talk, the first of several about this, I hope. Adam said that he doesn’t understand why he wanted sex outside his relationship with Stephen. He said, “I was taken by surprise, Grandpa. I thought I was so happy with Stephen. I didn’t know. I mean, it was overwhelming. I just wanted the guy at the health club so bad that I couldn’t think.”

“Yeah, you used your dick instead of your brain.”

“I guess I did. But, it was like I couldn’t think.”

“I know the feeling.”

“You do.”

“Of course. Any man who says he doesn’t lies through his butt hole.”

“So, how do you control it?”

“First, I didn’t always control it. My dick led me out of the Amish order when I was nineteen, thank God. But, I did learn to recognize when it was about to take over. That’s the most important part, to know when you’re being led around by your desire. Then you can learn to use it.”

“Use it?”

“Sure. There is such a tremendous energy there. And you have a choice as to how to use that energy, channel it. I learned to know when to let it take control, and when it was absolutely necessary that I use the intellect God gave me to control it. If I hadn’t done that, my life would have been laid (pun intended) in ruins many times over.”

Later we made a list of things Adam must do this week to try to repair some of the damage his indiscretions have caused.

1. Call Stephen to beg forgiveness.
2. Call compass and made an appointment for an HIV test.
3. While at Compass ask about a good psychologist or psychiatrist for counseling.
4. Examine his spiritual life and his relationship to/with God and the church.
5. Explore areas of interest in order to find something he can become devoted to other than his work and sex.

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