April 04, 2004

45 Years of My Work is Gone!

I am so depressed, and I have been too depressed to write the past several days. Sorry dear journal.

So, Ruth has won. She has effectively cut me off from all my work. She has had it all boxed and removed hundreds of miles. No more embarrassment for her. No more worry about the neighbors seeing and/or talking about her crazy old man dressed in silver foil. If she set out to hurt me she couldn’t have done a better job of it. This feels as though she and the professor have decided that my life is over, that I am too old to produce anything else of substance.

Of course, I can always do more of the “Silver Man Performances.” And I can create a new Varnastrama Journal, but these would not even be official since they would not be part of the archived collection of my work. I have been photographed, alphabetized, boxed, and terminated!

And, how many years do I have left? I guess it’s time to start thinking about what’s the most important thing to me in these last years. Contrary to Ruth’s belief, I still have my wits, and a fair amount of mobility, though arthritis is gradually making every joint less functional. And, once decided, I must do and be that ”it” because I do feel the end rattling around in these old bones.

My friend Anji says that the professor makes me “sound like an onion or something.” Perhaps I have to be like an onion. I should peal away all the layers, because there would be “no thing” at the center. Neither would I be there, and I would not need any of these things I’ve made.

Beyond the Onion Skin



Mr. Bush Gaining in the Polls


*
He keeps coming back, like the damned battery bunny. Now people are all hopped up about the economy improving, that is 318,000 new jobs last month. What kind of jobs; technology, manufacturing, service, and at what levels? I also want to know if this is a sustained increase of jobs over the next 6 months or so. I do wish the best for people, so I hope it is sustained and we can find jobs for all those who have lost jobs in the manufacturing sector.

However, jobs are not the issue for me. The president lied to me, to all of us, and he mislead us. No one seems to care that we invaded a foreign country without provocation. No one cares that there is no tie between Iraq and Al Quada as we were told by Mr Bush and the “Oil Oligarchy.” No one cares that there are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Americans don’t care that we invaded Iraq and killed 10,000 women and children in this crusade / war that is not a war. No one cares that over 600 Americans are dead!

Now,we are about to embark on another major venture in Fallujah because of the incident the other day in which 4 Americans were killed and mutilated.*2 How many more will die? All because our president took us into a war that never should have happened in the first place. For this alone George W. Bush does not deserve to be reelected president of the United States of America. But, for some strange reason, Americans want this evil war that is not a war to continue, and they want this evil man for their president.

* image acquired from Blood for Oil, “http://www.bloodforoil.org/assets/lot-of-death-poster-tn.gif” (Viewed Saturday, April 3, 2004, 9:57 A. M. EST)

*2 Sanders, Edmund, and Perry, Tony, “U.S. Prepares for Forceful Return to Fallujah,” http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2001894733_iraq03.html, Los Angeles Times, Saturday, April 30, 2004.



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