April 16, 2004

I sound like a broken record...

and that’s why I haven’t been writing much about my life, dear journal. It seems that the loss of all my life’s work has blown me out of the proverbial water, and I’ve been staying in bed till the middle of the day. I can’t make myself go to any of my usual activities here at THE MANOR. Instead, all I do is channel Stephen Gulliver’s world. I haven’t been taking any meals in our dining room, nor have I been cooking in my apartment. I do drink water because I don’t want to become dehydrated, and I did have a bowl of cereal and some coffee this afternoon.

I know that I could fight Ruth and the professor on this because my work has been taken away from Orchard Hill Farm without my permission. I certainly could take them to court and probably wipe the floor with them, but what a complicated and destructive mess that would be!

I’ve been playing Mendelssohn’s Elijah, “If with all your heart you truly seek me, ye shall ever surely find me” over and over again. I know God, Jesus, and the holy ghost are available to us all no matter our sexual orientation. The music is so beautiful that I hoped it would help, but to no avail. I’ve just gotten sick of this magnificent representation of supplication and I shan’t ever be able to listen to it again.

I know this isn’t good, and if I don’t soon come out of it, I shall call my doctor and ask about mood elevators.

*image located at “Mendelssohn:Lobgesang,” http://personal.telefonica.terra.es/web/coralcarmina/ (viewed: Friday, April 16, 2004, 6:17 A.M. EDT)

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