April 15, 2007

Peter Drops a Bomb! (Part III)

Continued from April 12, 2007

The Infinite Beach and the Eternal Ocean

Peter said, “Isaac, I’m falling in love with you, and that just doesn’t make sense.”

I stared out at the Atlantic, shocked! I hadn’t expected such an admission from Peter. I knew how I felt, but I didn’t think it was possible that this magnificent - in every way I could imagine - young man might feel the same as I did.

Isaac, you haven’t said anything.”

“I’m stunned,” I said.

“You’re angry with me?”

“No, Just amazed, and perplexed, I mean, I’m eighty-seven years old, Peter. You are a handsome young man, I’m tempted to say ‘beautiful,’ but I know that I’m using language that a young hunk such as yourself might find disagreeable.”

“I’m flattered, but I hope you think of me in other ways than that.”

“You know I do. You have been my intellectual companion this past winter and the fall before that. You are a mature young man of character, and these things more than your physical beauty are what make you so attractive.”

“You flatter me.”

“Yes, but I’m being honest too. I am simply describing the way I perceive you, Peter. And now, you tell me that you may be falling in love with me. I am both happy and appalled.”

“But how can you say you are appalled?”

“Precisely for the same reason as you, “ ‘it just doesn’t make sense.’ ”

“It doesn’t.”

“Any why is that?”

“We are two generations apart. I’m the same age as your grandson.”

“Exactly. I have been crazy with my feelings of love for you these past six months. I have struggled to contain them, bury them, destroy them…”

“But, why?”

“Because they are not right.”

“I was afraid you would think that I am mad.”

“We both are.” I paused, feeling caliginous, as though my world had burned to cinerescent ruins. I bent in my rickety manner to pick a shell up off the beach. I threw it a few feet into the crystal clear ocean, watching it sink below the surface in a zigzag pattern, an aqueous feather slowly floating down to the ancient reef. The reef itself appeared as a refracted serpentine image beneath each passing wave and a single gliding Pelican suddenly punched through the surface, plunging toward the reef as it chased dinner. My heart was heavy, sinking with that shell beneath the ocean’s surface because I knew the time that lay between the advent of Peter’s life and my own was like the surface of water before me, an elastic skin that stretched to the horizon separating two worlds. In fact, I have instructed Peter to read this entry on line with the intent that he might understand some of my feelings on this impossible love of ours.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. You will always be present here.” I touched myself on the chest and forehead purposefully, then lightly touched Peter there also.

“But you won’t always be here.” He waved his arm and hand indicating the vast ocean before us, and the beach stretching until it vanished at two points one to the north, and one to the south.

“So, you see the problem. In all likelihood, I shall leave this earth very soon, Peter, while you shall remain the span of an entire lifetime. You should find someone who is close to you in age so that the two of you may walk upon these sands for a long time.”

We both stood silently looking to the horizon. I felt tears start. They followed a devious path over my wrinkled cheeks to become drops of salty sea at the corners of my mouth.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

smiles .. and huggssss .... thats definately something .... i hope you both find your way - personally i would love to think that you 2 could keep what you have with a deeper intimacy - you both seem to sweet and wonderful ....


7:05 PM  
Blogger Isaac said...

Thanks, Met. I hope we can do that too. But, for now, we both need to step back.

11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

I know that was a hard decision to make. It shows your true character (both yours and Peter's) to be able to step back and look at the bigger picture instead of jumping into a relationship. Communication is healthy in both relationships and friendships. I'm glad you have someone to share these emotions with, even if the two of you just remain friends. Your love for each other will continue throughout lifetimes.

7:28 PM  
Blogger Anji said...

Like Met said. I hope you can work your way through this.

12:05 PM  

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